A Series Of Unfortunate Events….

You know that little snowball that breaks away and starts rolling downhill? Harmless and manageable in the beginning, but as it goes, it gathers more snow and grows. Before long it’s grown so big and is going so fast all you can do is try to get out of its way and pray from something bigger to be in its path. Your hope is when it crashes into that something bigger it will shatter back into small little manageable balls of snow. That has been my life for a year and a half.

My Mom dying shook the solid ground I stand on. I’m not saying I didn’t get shaky and dislodge some of those little snowballs from time to time, but I was aware and quick enough to catch them before they got so far out of control. After Mom died, my axis had tilted so far, I was so off balance , I had trouble catching myself, much less those little snowballs.

All of a sudden, I found myself scrambling around, gathering up medium size snowballs, only one got away and began gathering up tons of snow and speed racing downhill. When it finally got to the bottom, instead of crashing into something bigger and shattering it just stopped. A big blob of snow blocking my path.

I knew the only thing I could do was just to start chipping away away at that big blob of snow with the tools that I had. At first, I had a nice, big axe and chipping away everyday, slowly making steady progress as the big blog was reducing in size. Then one day, when I wasn’t looking, somebody took my axe away and left me an ice pick.

I didn’t give up, I just kept picking away at that big blob of snow with my ice pick. I was so focused on my work that I didn’t notice the medium size snowball slowly sliding down that hill and  into the big blob filling up the holes I had made. Just when I was about to make it through, and be on my way, I looked back, only to discover that I still had a big blob of snow in my path.

Today I stand here staring at the big blob of snow praying for spring to come and just melt the mother fucker….

Chances are slim that a spring thaw is going to do anything to reduce my big blob of snow so me and my ice pick go at it daily with sheer determination. One way or another I will get that big blob of snow out of my way, and when I do, I’m going to invest in a snowplow!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ponder This….

Two stories made headlines this week, one nationally and the other locally, that can, almost, be opposite ends of the taking your kids to work dilemma many parents struggle with.

This is not to be confused with “National Take Your Daughters To Work” day that was politically correct a few years ago.

OK, the first was at JKF Airport in New York City. Apparently an Air Traffic Controller brought his kid(s) to work because area schools were closed due to a holiday or snow day. Audio tapes were made available and one can hear what sounds like a young person directing a JetBlue jet to take off. The pilot (or we assume the pilot) responds and the small person says something else piloty and the pilot answers back. Now it’s pretty clear by the dialog that someone with some extensive air traffic control knowledge has told this small person what to say. So we can also assume that the small person wasn’t looking at that screen air traffic controllers look at and barking out orders. Duh! The Controller jokes with the pilot saying “That's what you get, guys,  when the kids are out of school”.

OK, when I read it, I confess, I laughed. It reminded me of the time when I was in kindergarten and my class was going to go ride Amtrak for a field trip. I was terrified. My step-monster took me out to the mine where he worked and let ME drive an engine back and forth, up and down the tracks until I wasn’t afraid any more. I wasn’t in any danger. The public wasn’t in any danger. Why? Because I wasn’t actually driving the train, my step-monster was. I just thought I was. This small person wasn’t actually directing air traffic, the AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER WAS!! Unprofessional? Oh hell yeah! Should have known better? Oh hell yeah! A crisis in the air? No fucking way.

So now, there’s this big deal, money out the ass being spent to “investigate” this matter. What’s to investigate? The dude fucked up. Punish him fairly and go on with your fucking lives. Nobody died. Nobody almost died. (well except maybe the air traffic controller who had to face his wife). Lighten up people. Times are hard, and this wasn’t the end of the world. Not national, oh hell, international (cuz we can’t keep out mouths closed) news!!!!

The next happen here, locally. Monday morning an 18 month old baby girl had a doctors appointment. Her father picked her up at daycare at 8 am for the appointment. The appointment took longer than the father had planned and in his haste to return to work at around 11 am, he neglected to remember to drop his daughter back off at daycare. Unfortunately, he neglected to even remember he even had his daughter with him. When he clocked out at the end of the work day, walked out to his car, only to discover his baby, in her car seat, dead. Unprofessional (or unparental)? Oh hell yeah? Should have known better? Oh hell yeah! (I wouldn’t want to fare his wife) A crisis in America today? Yes, indeed it is. We citizens are so completely stressed out that we can’t remember the most basic things, not to mention all of intricate details our brains explode on everyday.

As a stay at home mom and now a  frazzled working parent I can feel two sides to these stories. I couldn’t even begin to afford child care today. I am so very lucky my kids are old enough (chronologically) to be left alone. Cell phones have a leg up there; I am never more than a phone call/text message away. There are 3 of them and although they claim to hate each other they really are thicker than thieves. Ain’t nobody gonna mess with one without getting their asses handed to them by the other two. But, I would come just short of stealing and killing to keep them safe, so if I had to take them to work, because I had no other options, I hope my employers would be patient and understanding. I may not be a completely functionally person that day, but I’m there and able to be near if needed and take care of my kids at the same time. I have a responsibility to keep them under control and not let them bother others, if not, clock out, take the pay bite, and go have a picnic with my kids. Allowing this kids to talk on the radio, even with direction was wrong, but not something to get worked up over. The second father was so stressed at being gone longer than planned, worried about the pay he was losing, hurrying and simply forgot. The Mom in me is outraged, hurt, incredibly sad. How on earth could you forget your child? Watch the movie “Something to Talk About” with Julia Roberts & Dennis Quaid. Right at the beginning of the movie the stressed out parents are rushing around with their daughter in the morning getting ready for work/school and the Mom walks out the door without her daughter. A coworker relayed a story to me this morning about his own moment of forgetfulness in leaving his infant daughter home, napping, when he got so frustrated at a home repair gone wrong, that he rushed out the door to the hardware store, only to suddenly remember 4 miles later about his daughter. Rushed home and thank God, she was still asleep. He feels so bad for the father of the dead girl. He knows how easily it can happen.

So, in conclusion, employers, general public, people who don’t matter, relax, take a deep breath and thank God neither father was you or yours. Both will pay for the error of their ways for the rest of their lives, they don’t need your judgment on top of it. Mr. Air Traffic Controller, look back at this one day and laugh when you're playing with your grandchildren in the park. Mr. Overwhelmed Father, I am so very sorry for your loss and the pain that must endure.

Both men just made mistakes and to err is human, to forgive is divine.

Zero Tolerance

A rally cry meaning We’re Not Gonna Take It Anymore. What aren’t we going to take anymore? Sounds vague-It is-In so many ways.

Zero Tolerance eliminates the right to be judged fairly and unbiased. It also takes mitigating circumstances out of the punishment picture.

Mitigating circumstances often come into play when it comes time to punish the guilty for their crimes. Insanity is a very common mitigating circumstance. In a recent local case possible brain trauma, drug & alcohol abuse and mob mentality were used as mitigating circumstances to reduce an individuals responsibility for a series of crimes he was convicted of. Basically believing the mitigating circumstances allowed to jury to recommend a less than typical punishment. Zero tolerance takes that away. Who and why no longer matter-Only Guilt.

Several years back, a local high school senior and her Mom spent a (1 week before graduation) weekend moving. Sometime during the move, a butter knife feel out of a box and slid under the seat in the teenagers car. Monday morning, after students were in class, security was doing a student parking lot sweep. Guess what they found on the back floorboard of this students car? Yep, a butter knife. The student, an honor student I might add, was called to the office and her Mom was called to the school. A representative of the School Board was called in. You would have thought this young lady had run naked down the hallway waving the knife and threatening to kill everyone. Instead, she didn’t even realize the knife was there. The student was expelled from the Collier County School District, was unable to take her final exams, unable to march across the stage with her class or participate in any of the senior class festivities for which she had worked so hard for. This student also had been offered a college scholarship which of course hinged on her graduating. Initially, the School Board was going to allow her to return to school the following school year to take her exams, but I think public outrage caused them to reconsider and they agreed she could return during summer school to take her exams.

Zero Tolerance didn’t allow for mitigating circumstances to be considered because zero tolerances is just what it says it is-ZERO TOLERANCE. Mitigating circumstances in this case are-Butter knife not a machete. Honor student not a thug. Never been in trouble in school or the community. Did I mention HONOR student with a full ride scholarship with a future that doesn’t include being a burden on society? There are several other cases of zero tolerance that come to mind, but it’s one specific story that got me to writing this to begin with.

A 9 year old boy in Staten Island NY was almost suspended after he brought a 2” toy lego gun to school. The fourth grader and a friend were playing with their lego’s in the school cafeteria when a teacher noticed the “deadly” weapon and the student was taken to the principles office and his parents called. After much discussion the principle decided suspension was not warranted. Ummmm DUH!!!! How is it even possible that any thing other than please put that toy away and don’t bring it back to school was done? Zero Tolerance is the answer to that question. The New York public school system has the same policy that almost all school systems have-Guns, toys or real, are not allowed on school grounds. Failure to obey results in immediate suspension or expulsion from the school district. Mitigating circumstances-That picture is the ACTUAL size of the toy gun that was brought to school. Does it look like it might be real? Does it look like the evil 9 year old was preparing to shoot up the school with it? Give me a break….Common sense has once again left the freakin building.

We (I use that term loosely) have become so afraid of letting someone violent slip under our radar that we no longer use common sense in deciding what is and isn’t a threat. I’m sure we can all remember those violent butter knife assaults that occurred on school campus’ before Zero Tolerance was enacted. Those menacing Lego Assault Rifles have mowed down countless innocent bystanders. What was Lego thinking making those things so compact and concealable? Terrorist I tell you, they’re out to take all the fun out of being a kid.

Now, I had a situation that was the perfect example of why Zero Tolerance was enacted in the first place.

Almost 2 years ago a coworker of mine made some very inappropriate comments on day before we clocked in. While I was sitting outside smoking he came up to me to chat. During the course of the conversation he said, in short, that he wanted to bring a couple of guns in and start blowing people away. He told me I was safe because he wanted me to sell tickets so we could make some dough off it. Now, I had known this guy for a couple years, we’d worked together and for the most part I considered him harmless. On the other hand, he was quite strange and if anybody was capable of that he was. I pondered what he said all morning, talked to some close friends and ultimately decided it wasn’t worth the risk that he was just spouting bullshit. I had to decide if I could live with myself if something did happen, to him or the other people I work with. I told my supervisor, who told his supervisor, who told his supervisor, who called in the Risk Manager, an attorney. I will admit that it bothered me, a lot. It bothered me for a very long time. I took a lot of shit for doing what I did, but non of it compared to arriving at work on day 3 weeks later and there he was, just like nothing happened. He received a reprimand, 2 week suspension without pay and was suppose to apologize to me. In the meantime I jumped every time the door behind me opened. I had anxiety attacks every time he walked through my workspace. I told repeatedly that I over-reacted, he’s harmless, he would never do something like that. They weren’t there, they didn’t hear him or see the look in his eyes when he said it. How dare he put me in that position. How dare he put me in a position when I have to decide if I know him well enough to discern his thought process. How dare my employer not transfer him to another department. How dare they care so little for my feelings and so much for his. If zero tolerance had been used in this case, he would have been fired. But mitigating circumstances were taken into consideration and off into the sunset he walked.

The same week this happen to me 5 elementary students were expelled from school for putting together a list of items they would need to get rid of a teacher they didn’t like.

Zero Tolerance-What a joke.